Thursday, February 19, 2009

Self-Analysis Time!

Why haven't I been writing blog posts lately? Of course I was too ill to do anything last week, but that was only a temporary problem. Here I am living in the senior community of my dreams, yet I've been depressed. Perhaps I'll call what's wrong with me "inertia." I've suffered from clinical depression off and on for most of my life, so it's time to come up with a new label for what's wrong with me.

One dictionary definition of inertia is this: "Resistance or disinclination to motion, action, or change." That's my disease, all right. It's like I've been waiting for the other shoe to drop. I guess part of the problem has to do with money. To move here with my condo unsold, I had to sign a large promissory note for nearly half a million dollars, due March 9. I had visions of being kicked out of my new apartment, although things weren't really that bad. Plan B would have been financially disastrous, but at least there was a Plan B.

So what happened? The condo finally sold, although at a nonprofitable price. The closing is on February 27. With my savings and the condo payment, I'll be able to pay off the note. Good news, right? So why have I not been elated and energetic? For one thing, the business manager of The Clare made an error on a bill she sent; my debt had mysteriously grown. I just got that straightened out yesterday.

After the necessary week off, I went back to my three-times-a-week physical therapy on Monday. It's now more painful than ever. I'm glad I had knee replacement surgery, but it's cerrtainly taken a toll on my feeling of well-being. Will I ever be able to walk gracefully and easily again?

I suppose another thing bothering me has been the finality of moving into a senior residence, even though this is a very nice one. Yes, there are activities, but none that especially appeal to me. The building is not fully occupied yet, so things are just getting started. Have I done much to help? No. What have I done? Too many puzzles and computer games. Some reading, but not enough.

So there you have my "disease": inertia. This is my promise to begin doing something about it. For one thing, I'm expecting a visit from my brother and my niece next week. I look forward to that. Spring is on the way (you'd never know it from today's Chicago weather), and I'll start getting out more.

Finally, I plan to take my own advice: write. Writing helped me reinvent myself in 2006; perhaps it's time for a new reinvention in 2009. Remember my March, 2008, rictameter-a-day project on my other blog, "Write your Life!"? It's nearly March again, so I hope to come up with a new rictameter project. Stay tuned. And I hope to have more to say about senior living here.

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

I've missed you, Marlys. You're living through a big transition, one that many of us anticipate. We know it is difficult, stressful, complicated. I appreciate your openness and willingness to share the experience. Hang in there, and remember that we're thinking of you.
-- Pat Murphy

Anonymous said...

I'm coming next week and we will shop and have a great time. I'm sending your coffee pot today as i was waiting for tassimo to come out with some new teas. I want your selection to be great for all the guests you are going to have. We will get you out and about. I think being sick and the weather would make anyone a bit down right now. But you are right spring is just around the corner and you will get out more and you will walk more and life will turn the corner. Love you....Cindy :)

seniorwriter said...

Thanks, Pat and Cindy. It's good to know someone is out there reading what I write. I'll look forward to receiving my new coffee maker, Cindy, and especially to seeing you next week. Pat, let me know if you ever come to Chicago. I'll give you a tour of this highrise marvel of a building.

Marlys

Alice said...

I apply the term "inertia" to myself a lot. I have plenty I'd like to write about but have to push myself to do it some days. It's a combination of the weather, the economic problems the country faces, all the problems we see around the world. Depressing, huh? But can spring be far behind? I'm sure things will look a lot better when you're able to be out and about again. I hope I don't sound preachy, but remember there are others out there that probably feel as down as you sometimes, but you never know unless you open up with others.

MaryContrary said...

Thanks, Marlys, for the definition. It certainly describes how I feel every now and then. I have things I can do but don't want to do them; I have books to read and don't want to read any of them. It might be partly seasonal--I too can't wait for spring when we can open the doors and windows, go out for long walks without freezing our butts and everything else off, and get my container gardens going. I don't think I am really depressed. Suffering from inertia sounds about right.

One Woman's Journey said...

I have missed reading your post.
I am healing from surgery and getting on with building my country cottage. I guess there has to be dirt for me to dig in. Eventually I will probably make the decision you have made.
I do understand your feelings. January and February are the worst months for me. When I can get outside in the sunshine I am fine.
As soon as it warms up get out in the sun. The sun always helps. Sometimes I sit by a window in my home where the sun streams in. Feeling better wishes being sent your way.

Steve Gurney said...

Marlys,

I can certainly appreciate the transition you are going through much more these days! Perhaps you could use your passion for writing to create a document with biographies of the "founding" residents of The Clare. This can have the dual benefit of bringing the community together through common interests and creating a "historical" document.

Pat's Place said...

How about a collection of rictameters about winter?? Lots of us could contribute???

seniorwriter said...

Pat:
That's a great idea. I'm sure winter experiences differ according to where and how we live. I plan to issue a challenge on my other blog, "Write Your Life!" Let's see what happens.

Marlys