Why haven't I been writing blog posts lately? Of course I was too ill to do anything last week, but that was only a temporary problem. Here I am living in the senior community of my dreams, yet I've been depressed. Perhaps I'll call what's wrong with me "inertia." I've suffered from clinical depression off and on for most of my life, so it's time to come up with a new label for what's wrong with me.
One dictionary definition of inertia is this: "Resistance or disinclination to motion, action, or change." That's my disease, all right. It's like I've been waiting for the other shoe to drop. I guess part of the problem has to do with money. To move here with my condo unsold, I had to sign a large promissory note for nearly half a million dollars, due March 9. I had visions of being kicked out of my new apartment, although things weren't really that bad. Plan B would have been financially disastrous, but at least there was a Plan B.
So what happened? The condo finally sold, although at a nonprofitable price. The closing is on February 27. With my savings and the condo payment, I'll be able to pay off the note. Good news, right? So why have I not been elated and energetic? For one thing, the business manager of The Clare made an error on a bill she sent; my debt had mysteriously grown. I just got that straightened out yesterday.
After the necessary week off, I went back to my three-times-a-week physical therapy on Monday. It's now more painful than ever. I'm glad I had knee replacement surgery, but it's cerrtainly taken a toll on my feeling of well-being. Will I ever be able to walk gracefully and easily again?
I suppose another thing bothering me has been the finality of moving into a senior residence, even though this is a very nice one. Yes, there are activities, but none that especially appeal to me. The building is not fully occupied yet, so things are just getting started. Have I done much to help? No. What have I done? Too many puzzles and computer games. Some reading, but not enough.
So there you have my "disease": inertia. This is my promise to begin doing something about it. For one thing, I'm expecting a visit from my brother and my niece next week. I look forward to that. Spring is on the way (you'd never know it from today's Chicago weather), and I'll start getting out more.
Finally, I plan to take my own advice: write. Writing helped me reinvent myself in 2006; perhaps it's time for a new reinvention in 2009. Remember my March, 2008, rictameter-a-day project on my other blog, "Write your Life!"? It's nearly March again, so I hope to come up with a new rictameter project. Stay tuned. And I hope to have more to say about senior living here.